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1 month ago
adult stuff (pouring my heart all over the internet, you’re welcome)
so officially split up with the gf yesterday. we had a talk about our relationship earlier in the week and she let me know she thought we would be further along than we are. she said she needed some time to do some soul searching and really think, so i gave her some space. we were supposed to spend the day together yesterday, but on friday, she said she’s ready to talk saturday, so i took that as a cue of what was coming. even though we had the talk earlier in the week, it was still really difficult officially breaking up. this was real, and really hit me hard, particularly because we had just spent the previous weekend in milwaukee and she met a ton of my friends. she said she had felt like something was missing for the last month or so, but she kept going hoping to find it, and she never did. she told me that i did everything right in the relationship and that it wasn’t fair to me to be together if she didn’t think she would ever find what was missing.
i told her that i wish i knew that the night we talked in my car for a few hours that would be the last time i would be seeing her, so i could maybe try and prep myself. but she said she hoped that wasn’t the last time we see each other and she wants to be friends, and still wants me to be in her life and vice versa. i dunno, can that even work? what if we’re friends, and then one of us starts dating someone new, how’s that gonna be? she said she’ll give me some time before being in touch, but said i can contact her whenever. would i just be setting myself up for disaster?
i guess my conscience can be clear, she kept saying throughout everything that i did everything right and there’s nothing that i couldve done to change things. she said some really sweet things to me, which might be a first in a breakup, which REALLY made things difficult. she doesn’t regret any moment we spent together and she was truly happy for our time together. this is the first girl in a really, really long time that i truly cared about, that really meant something to me, and the first time ever i had like a mature, adult breakup that didn’t result in a lot of cursing and record collection getting thrown out a window or something.
being the eternal optimist, hopefully some good can come of this. i can (and will) go to a bunch more concerts, i’ll have some time to really concentrate on school/freelance work/developing my design skillz, and who knows what else. but yeah, it’s been a tough few days, and will probably be a tough few weeks. but life goes on, and now, i’m suddenly free this friday for that los campesinos! show at metro…..
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